


Unconditionally

by lohn_jaurens



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, its brief but its there, thomas just really loves his boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9102454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lohn_jaurens/pseuds/lohn_jaurens
Summary: Thomas woke up with his face pressed into the soft back of his boyfriend, and as usual, he would have stayed in that position all day, if he didn’t have to go into work.





	

Thomas woke up with his face pressed into the soft back of his boyfriend, and as usual, he would have stayed in that position all day, if he didn’t have to go into work. He sighed, and pushed himself out of the warm cocoon he had created in the night, and went to let a warm stream of water from a shower wake him up more fully. He sighed contently as the warm water washed over his body and eased out the soreness from his muscles. He used the coconut shampoo that Alex had bought, and smiled as the smell wafted from the bottle, and reminded him of the love of his life.  
  
When he stepped out of the shower, the mirror had fogged up so much that he couldn’t even see his own reflection. He saw the lid off the toothpaste, and water dripping from the faucet, signaling that his boyfriend had come and gone while he was in the shower. Thomas took his arm and smeared a spot clear on the mirror, and studied his reflection. The bags under his eyes were becoming less and less every day, Alex doing a good job of being able to get him to sleep more often. His eyes were bright, the emptiness that had been so prevalent a year ago, was barley noticeable anymore.  
  
He took a deep breath, and retrieved the pill bottle from atop the countertop. He dry swallowed his daily dose, and brushed the chalky aftertaste out of his mouth.  
  
The cool air from the bedroom that hit him when he opened the bathroom door made his skin crawl. He quickly walked over to his closet, and pulled on a fresh suit. He tucked the necklace that Alex had gotten him for his birthday, and tucked it underneath his shirt before he tightened his tie. The necklace was beautiful, and Thomas wore it every day. It was a small, round, gold pendent, with and “A” and “T” intertwined on it. It reminded him that his boyfriend was always there, and would never leave him.  
  
He followed the smell of scrambled eggs, and found his boyfriend his front of the stove, already in his suit, but his hair hanging wildly around his shoulders. Thomas smiled to himself and walked up and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist. Alex sighed, and leaned back into his boyfriend, leaned his head back onto his shoulder, and closed his eyes, a small smile tugging on the edges of his lips.  
  
Thomas planted small kisses along Alex’s jaw before landing a final one on his lips. He took a deep breath, and sighed contently with the wonderful smell of Alex’s omelets.  
  
“This smells amazing baby.” He buried his face in the silky, tangled mess that was his boyfriend’s hair as Alex went back to making sure nothing was going to burn on the stove.  
  
“I hope it does, because you either eat this or a stale granola bar.” Alex picked up a plate, and placed one of the omelets one top before turning around, dislodging Thomas from his previous position, which he didn’t want to admit, but was so peaceful that he had started to dose off. Alex shoved the plate into Thomas’ hands, turned the taller man around, and gently shoved him in the direction of their table.  
  
Thomas grumbled because of the rude awakening, but sat down and began digging into the delicious breakfast that was prepared for him. Alex soon joined him, and they ate their breakfast in a comfortable silence. Once finished, they locked hands and made their way to their car to venture in to early morning New York traffic.  
  
\--  
  
The office was slow, not many people needing their legal capabilities really made the day a drag. Thomas found a tightening of his chest that only seemed to get worse as the day went on. No amount of breathing exercises that his therapist had taught him seemed to do anything to uncurl the tightening fist around his lungs.  
  
It never seemed to have any rhyme or reason to when it would come. It would just rear its ugly head whenever it felt like it. Today seemed to be one of those days. One of those days where no matter how hard he tried, it would leave him alone it still it sucked him dry. It would hollow out his chest, until there was nothing of him left, and he had to find a way to let everything out.  
  
Thomas slumped over in his desk, resting his hands in his head, trying to keep the subsequent headache he knew was coming, from actually happening. He sighed, took a big swig from the water bottle Alex makes him keep on his desk, and stood up. He took off towards Alex’s office, hoping maybe that the calming presence of his boyfriend will help, even just a little bit.  
  
He opened the door, and found Alex buried in his work, not even registering that Thomas was there. Thomas stopped for a moment and admired his boyfriend, the hair falling out of his bun from constantly running his hands through it. There was smudging of pen ink on the side of his hands, and it had transferred onto the side of his face. Thomas smiled at his boyfriend, before coming up behind him and placing his hands on Alex’s tense shoulders.  
  
“Hey baby, let’s go take a break.” Thomas stated, attempting to pull Alex up out of his chair, but his boyfriend swatted his hands away.  
  
“I have so much work to do.” Is all he said, and no matter how many more times Thomas tried to get him away, nothing mattered. He knew that when Alex got like this that there was no shaking him out of it.  
  
Thomas could feel the weight in his chest get infinity heavier, as he walked out of Alex’s office and softly shut the door behind him. He walked back to his office and quickly packed all of his things into his satchel. He quickly emailed Mr. Washington, saying that he wasn’t feeling well, and all of his work was done, and that he would be heading out early. Washington quickly emailed back, and said that everything was okay, and he was good to go.  
  
He left in a hurry, not bothering to even tell Alex that he was leaving.  
  
Not like he would even care.  
  
He didn’t take the car, Alex had the keys anyway. He would’ve walked, but he could feel his limbs getting heavier by the second. His feet carried him to the subway station, his mind consumed in its own darkness. He found himself standing at his front door, with no recollection of how he got there.  
  
He let himself in, and his body seemed like it was moving in slow motion. He finally let himself in, and threw his satchel to the ground. His suit jacket came off next, along with his tie, his shoes, and every piece of clothing until he was down to his undershirt and his boxers. As he was taking off the clothing, he was also making his way to the bedroom.  
  
He flopped down onto the bed, and wrapped himself in all of the blankets on the bed. He simply stared at the wall, trying to shut the darkness out of his mind.  
  
He heard the front door open, and his name being called. Footsteps grew closer, and his name grew louder. The door to the bedroom was being opened, and the light from the hallway spilled into the pitch black bedroom.  
  
Huh. When he had come in there, it had only been about two in the afternoon, and the blinds were still open.  
  
Alex called his name again, and walked around to where he was lying on the bed. He crouched down, so they were face to face. His big brown eyes were full of worry. He reached out and cupped the side of Thomas’ face, and “what’s wrong baby,” was whispered.  
  
Thomas didn’t react, just continued to stare at Alex’s face. He didn’t know why these things had to happen to him. Why his brain just had to shut down, he would never understand. Why couldn’t he just be normal?  
  
Alex looked significantly more worried the longer that he didn’t respond. Eventually Alex sighed and stood up, and Thomas watched as Alex got undressed. He put on his pajamas, which were just one of Thomas large t-shirts and a pair of fuzzy pajama pants with polar bears on them. Alex looked at Thomas and smiled, “I’ll be right back okay?”  
  
Thomas didn’t respond, and Alex gave him one more sad smile before leaving the bedroom and softly shutting the door behind him.  
  
Alex had always been so supportive of Thomas when he got like this. When they had first started dating, Thomas was in a funk that he couldn’t seem to pull himself out of. He eventually did, with the help of his loving boyfriend, and a suicide attempt.  
  
He’s been better now, these moods only ever happening now and again.  
  
Maybe Alex was finally sick of dealing with him.  
  
Maybe this was the last straw and Alex was finally going to leave.  
  
Thomas finally started crying, the hot tears felt good on his face. He was so cold, metaphorically and physically. He was cold, and he wanted Alex.  
  
That’s all he’s ever wanted.  
  
He didn’t even register that Alex had come back into the room until he was right in front of his face again. He pulled Thomas into a deep hug, and he started sobbing even harder than before.  
  
It felt so nice to be held, and he could feel the wet spot on Alex’s t-shirts growing the longer that he stayed there. When he finally pulled away, he looked at his boyfriend, and didn’t see pity, or disgust, but love.  
  
“Hey Tommy, would you like some tea?” Thomas nodded eagerly, and gingerly sat up in bed. Alex handed him a hot mug full of lemon balm tea. Thomas gratefully accepted the cup, and took a long drink.  
  
Alex climbed onto the bed and put his knees on either side of Thomas’ legs, and rested his head on his chest. Thomas set down the tea and wrapped his arms around Alex’s middle.  
  
“I love you, you know that right?” Alex’s voice was muffled against Thomas t-shirt, but he had heard him loud and clear.  
  
“I love you too.” Alex sighed and melted even further into Thomas’ body, as if that was possible. Thomas loved this man, loved him more than anyone he had ever loved before. Loved him, flaws and all, just as Alex loved him.  
  
Unconditionally.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think. Thank you so much for reading!  
> Don't forget to follow my tumblr, @gayerthanyouthought come talk to me!


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